I have a confession to make…I am in love!
I’ve been holding onto this secret for a little while, making sure that the love affair would stick. I think this one’s a keeper.
You know that tentative dance you do? One foot in, one foot out. This confidence-based hokey-pokey really is what love is all about.
I met this person long ago. As so happens in the romance novels, we really didn’t like each other in the beginning. We both had a lot of growing up to do. Growing up, growing in, growing down into our roots deep under the ground.
Yet, we’ve reconnected off and on over the years. I’ve watched and waited for the miracle to happen for ages. There were times when I would despair it might not.
Now, here’s an even deeper confession…my beloved is a woman!
Yep, I know some of you are probably quite surprised, given how I’ve pursued the gentleman-types in courtship all of my life. This girl really won me over, even in her fumbling pursuits.
What do I love about this girl?
She’s incredibly, sometimes painfully, vulnerable. That is her strength. It’s her superpower, in fact. She considers it to be her ministry and message to the world.
She sings off-key in the shower. “Me and My Bobby McGee”, “Stand By Me”, and “You Can’t Hurry Love” are her favorite songs to belt out.
My love is a prodigious dork in the highest extreme, able to make most any situation awkward. I even love her for that.
She has a round belly she’s come to accept will never fully go away, no matter how hard she tries, and so she’s decided just to love it. Despite her nearly childlike wonder at butterflies and stories, this girl has some serious battle scars. She struggles occasionally with shame and doubt about herself, wonders whether she’s truly deserving of love after all she’s been through. I love her even and especially when she turns away.
She fixes amazing smoothies and is, by turns, generous and genial, mercurial and moody.
Have you guessed my secret yet? My love is…me!
Now that I’ve brought my love out into the light of day, it feels so good. I’m very happy not to have to hide anymore. It’ll be hard. This is not a world that truly celebrates this kind of love, even though it will sell you lots of things to try and feed your hope that it’ll happen.
What’s next? With so much constant instruction otherwise, how will I keep my love alive?
I will fix myself breakfast in bed.
Take myself on a honeymoon.
I will dance.
Make love to myself on a Saturday morning when it rains.
I will tend the fires of this love in all the ways I know how, even as we wait for another to join the circle.