Apologies if you’re one of the ten people I talked to on the phone this weekend and have already heard this little snippet…

So, I had a friend in town last week who is considering moving to Minneapolis. It was tremendous to have a buddy here. We got out and saw the sights together. We forged a new level of our relationship–He was reliant on me to shepherd him around as he didn’t have a car. On the first night we hung out he said, “you’re a great driver.” That cursed me.

Well, that and the snow.

I suddenly started making the most astronomical mistakes while driving around the city. Some of these snaffus have to do with the fact that THEY DON’T SCRAPE THE ROADS! I mean, they scrape some main roads, but not most, and even those that they do, not very well.

Now, I’m not saying this is all like I’m a bad driver in the snow. No! I know how to keep my foot off the brake and take it easy on the gas and turn into the skid and all that. I mean, I can’t see the lines on the road. Which means I can’t see where the lanes are or where the intersection is. Not to mention the fact that it snows every three days here, so the problem renews itself regularly. Oh, and let’s not even talk about the fact that it gets dark at 4:30.

In the last week, I have…
1) been sitting at a red light twice and had cars come barelling down on me as I suddenly realize that I am actually sitting in a lane for oncoming traffic
2) turned the wrong way onto a one way street (ok not necessarily the snow’s fault, but I swear it was poorly marked)
3) backed into a car while trying to left-hand parallel park on a one-way street (To my credit, this was only moments after the terrifying event of having turned the wrong way down the street, so I was all jittery when it happened. Fortunately, the owner of the car was right there to bless me out and instruct me that driving in this city is just like driving in any other city…Dude, that’s the problem. I don’t drive in any city.

Many many many expletives have been uttered. I’m certain that there’s a warrant out for my arrest. Or at least a website somewhere that talks about spottings of bad out-of-state drivers.

Please keep your fingers crossed and rub your little icon for that saint that protects travellers on my behalf.