This is the story of Gabby, Flabby, and Crabby.
Gabby, Flabby and Crabby were the best of friends. They went out together everywhere. They knew each others’ secrets. It was almost as if they were the same person sometimes.
Except they were all so very different. They had distinctively different ways of moving through and dealing with the world.
Gabby was embarrassing at parties. She’d get soooooo loud and boisterous, spouting half-truths, misquoting headlines from publications she really didn’t read. The other two would just cringe when she had the least little bit to drink. Sometimes, they would hide under tables or even try to sneak out the door without her, but try as they might, they couldn’t seem to be anywhere Gabby was not. The biggest problem with Gabby was that, when she got cranked up, Flabby would start acting up too.
See, Flabby had a bit of an eating problem. She just couldn’t help herself. She felt so lonely sometimes. When Gabby was embarrassing the group, Flabby would hide in the corner and start stuffing her little ol’ face. She hated herself for it but couldn’t stop.
Then, whenever swimsuit season came around, all three of the girls would go to the store to look for a new suit together. That’s when Flabby would most regret her past behavior. She would just pitch herself down on the floor of the dressing room like a two-year-old and cry. Or she would jump up and down and scream. The other two would yell, “Down, Flabby, down!”
And then, heaven help us, there was Crabby. She was the worst of them all. Crabby just couldn’t stand the other two. Really, it was kind of ridiculous that she was stuck with these two lamebrains, but try as she might, she couldn’t seem to shake them.
And they couldn’t stand her either. Gabby might make herself happy by being loud and boisterous, entertaining her friends with funny stories. Flabby, as we’ve established, would find happiness/misery at the bottom of a potato chip bowl. But Crabby? She was never happy.
Crabby would sit in the corner of just about any place and pout her pretty little head off. Crabby could find the worst in any situation. Everyone hated to see Crabby coming. Pretty day outside? Crabby brought up allergies and sunscreen. New job with awesome benefits? Crabby would grumble about early onset Alzheimer’s. Crabby’s condition was contagious. She made Gabby so depressed that all she could do was try to talk to everybody about the most nonsensical stuff. And poor Flabby of course would just overdose on chocolate every chance she got.
So, whatever happened to Gabby, Flabby, and Crabby, you ask?
Why, nothing! They’re everywhere you look. Their story goes on and on and on…
One day, Flabby decided that just for once she was going to skip the party and go for a walk instead. Crabby mocked her, tried to shame her back into being a part of the group. “What, are you going to lead a life of rigor now? Are you meant for the abbey?” Flabby just ignored her, and went on her way.
Inspired, Gabby kept quiet for once, and thought, “Hey, a walk. By myself? That idea’s not too shabby! Maybe I’ll gather my thoughts for once before I speak out of turn.” And with that, she walked out the door.
Crabby just sat there and harumphed, but then…after a while, realized she felt a little better without those two bozos around. Maybe she’d do something to make herself happy, rather than try and drag everyone else down. She’d always liked cats. Maybe a tabby!
Gabby found her voice and the perfect venue for her outgoing personality through a local storytelling group. Seeing Gabby’s happiness and not being “set off so much” by her behavior, Flabby found yoga, cycling and the farmers market and is no longer yelled at in the dressing room. Crabby, seeing them both happy, defected to North Korea where her unhappiness is shared by all and she never bothered Gabby or Flabby again.
[ending submitted by Becky Alley McLaughlin]
Crabby kicked Gabby & Flabby to the curb, and continued to enjoy her bad mood with no interference. She considered running for small-town office since she was already grumpy.
Gabby found a job as a Fox News reporter and enjoyed her public’s adulation.
Flabby got a part-time job as a greeter at Walmart where she could buy snacks & elastic-waist sweat pants at a discount.
Every Friday they would meet for 2-for-1 Ladies Night drinks at Appleby’s and close the place down.
And they all lived thereafter.
[submitted by Kathie deNobriga]
The girls decided to start a rock and roll band called The Cabbies. It was the only thing to do really. They took their show on the road. Gabby was clearly the lead vocals, ever the not-so-gracious forward face. But, she had great pipes. Also, she wasn’t bad on the guitar. It was surprising that she could do anything well, but flap her jaws, but it turned out she had a great sense of rhythm and harmony.
Flabby held down the bass. We don’t know why. It just makes sense.
And Crabby found herself to be very happy banging on a drum all day. So happy, in fact, that over time, she frankly became less crabby.
In turn, having less negativity and more music in the group led Flabby to curb her appetite, even dance about here and there, slowly slimming down. (She kept her beautiful, little round belly and generous thighs, though!) All this led Gabby to ponder her life’s direction and even to share the spotlight with the others when they felt so inclined.
They lived happily ever after.